i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
