did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My bed smells like the plague
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
