So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
