My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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