When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
