...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
