My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
