She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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