can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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