He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
