I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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