Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
