We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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