I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
