She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
