Please, let me fuck your mom
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
