today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
