We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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