the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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