dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
