don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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