Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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