I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
