Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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