Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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