i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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