there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
