Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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