I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
