I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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