Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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