yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
