We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
