apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
