I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
