I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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