I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize