is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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