belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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