i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
