Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
