Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
