You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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