I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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