you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
