You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
