It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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