I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
