Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
