i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They took my balls.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
