No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
