My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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