so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
