Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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