Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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