I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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