I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He passed out mid-signature
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
