Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
