this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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