there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
