Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
