I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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