yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My vagina is officially offended.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
