things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
