hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
