My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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