$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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