whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
